Relationship Desk, Delhi Magazine: In today’s digital age, meeting someone you genuinely like feels like winning a lottery. Yet for many women, what starts as a promising connection often ends in emotional exhaustion and disillusionment. One of the modern relationship trends causing this pain is known as “benching”—a manipulative, often misunderstood pattern that leaves women emotionally stranded, confused, and stuck in limbo.
What is Benching?
Benching is a term used to describe a strategy where someone keeps another person “on the bench”—like a backup option. They maintain just enough contact to keep the other person interested but avoid real commitment or progress. It’s not ghosting, it’s not love—it’s a toxic middle ground where hope is used as a leash.
As logotherapist Olga Gnatenko explains:
“Benching is a pattern of behavior where one person maintains minimal contact with another but does not move forward to develop the relationship. It creates the illusion of interest while emotionally sidelining the other person.”
Why Does Benching Happen?
Often, the person who benches doesn’t even realize the full extent of the harm they’re causing. They may fear commitment, enjoy the emotional control they have, or simply lack the courage to let go. Whatever the reason, the result is the same:
You become a secondary option, not out of lack of worth, but due to someone else’s emotional immaturity.
Benching is a form of manipulation masked as uncertainty. It’s not about “taking time” or “seeing where things go.” It’s about keeping someone around while avoiding responsibility, clarity, or emotional reciprocity.
How to Recognize If You’re Being Benched:
-
They text you just enough to keep your attention—but plans never materialize.
-
They give mixed signals: compliments one day, silence the next.
-
You’re never sure where you stand—but they always resurface when you begin to pull away.
-
You feel like you’re waiting… constantly.
What Should You Do?
According to Olga Gnatenko, the first step is setting emotional boundaries.
Say it clearly:
“Clarity is important to me. If this connection isn’t going anywhere, that’s okay—but this uncertainty doesn’t work for me.”
Then, shift your focus inward.
Instead of trying to decode someone else’s inconsistency, invest in your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being. If someone genuinely values you, their actions will be clear. They’ll make space in their life for you—not just keep you as an option.
Don’t stay on the bench hoping to become a priority.
You are not a backup plan. You deserve intentional love, presence, and commitment—not breadcrumbs of attention disguised as interest.
Final Thought
If you ever find yourself constantly wondering, “What are we?”—chances are, you already have your answer.
Walk away with your self-worth intact. The right person won’t leave you guessing.
Modern dating is filled with confusing dynamics—FWB (Friends with Benefits), situationships, or on-again-off-again flings. While not all of these are inherently bad, benching is unique in that it relies on manipulation, false hope, and emotional breadcrumbs.
It’s not mutual.
It’s not honest.
And it’s not love.
