Best Dark Humor Jokes In 2023

Entertainment Desk, Delhi Magazine: Bark humor jokes do not necessarily make everyone laugh. And for good reason, their themes and their sarcasm can disturb some of your interlocutors.

What are black humor or dark humor jokes?

Dark humor jokes are not intended for children . It is therefore not uncommon to see adults laughing at dark humor jokes. . It is often a source of embarrassment and should not be confused with simple meanness. Black humor is very popular with some celebrities , especially the French comic world. Among the best known who have made and make black humor jokes during a show.

Here are the best dark humor jokes for 2023

Very controversial, dark humor quotes are not as unanimous as childish jokes. However, they make some people laugh and you can have fun telling them when you meet up with your friends or parents. Here is a selection of the 200 best creepy quotes you should know.

1.

A thief broke into a house one night. As he was shining his flashlight around looking for valuables he heard a faint voice say, “Jesus knows you’re here.” The thief instantly froze but heard nothing else and continued on.

As he was rifling through a jewelry box he then heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Startled, he shined his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice. Over in the corner of the room his flashlight spotted a parrot in a cage.

The thief whispered, “Hey, was that you talking?” “Yes,” said the parrot. “I’m just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you.”

Relieved that it was just a bird the thief answered, “Warn me, huh? And just who are you?”

“Moses,” replied the parrot.

“Moses?” the thief laughed. “What kind of a person would name a bird Moses?”

The parrot said, “The same kind of person who would name their Pit Bull Jesus.”

2.

The best black humor jokes

1/ When he wakes up from a coma, a man notices his wife taking off her mourning clothes. Angry, she turns to him: “I definitely can’t count on you for anything. »

2/What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A missing cat.

3/What is the best way to remove glue from your hair? The cancer.

4/ During the autopsy of the body of a young woman discovered in the street following a murder, the inspector in charge of the investigation asks the medical examiner:

• Was she raped?
• No, I was waiting for your permission.

5/A little boy asks his mother if he can sleep with his brother. She replies: No, because we don’t have enough money to bury him.

6/A child comes running to see his mother: mum, dad hanged himself in the garden!

• April Fool ! he did it in the attic!

7/A woman who has just given birth waits for the midwife to bring her newborn baby, but on the way, she bumps into the bedside table. The baby falls into a drawer full of scalpels and cutting accessories.

The horrified mother screams with all her might, the midwife then exclaims:

• April fools, he was already dead.

8/What is the best way to remove a baby from a blender? Suck it up with a straw.

9/What part of the vegetable does not go through the blender? A wheelchair.

10/How to recognize a letter sent by a leper? His tongue remains glued to the stamp.

11/ What has two legs and is full of blood? A half — dog.

12/ What can be better than winning a gold medal at the Paralympic Games? To be able to walk.

13/What is the procedure to follow when an epileptic person is found having a seizure in a bathtub? Add detergent and stir in your dirty laundry.

14/How to recognize a crushed cat? It is one centimeter wide.

15/Is it possible to take a bath when you have diarrhoea? Yes, when you’ve had enough.

16/How can a blind skydiver know when he is going to hit the ground? He feels slack in his dog’s leash.

17/ Is there a difference between Paul Walker and a computer? Yes, when the computer crashes, it pisses the owner off.

18/What difference can we make between a paedophile, a handball player and a footballer? The last scores with his foot, the handball player scores with his hand and the pedophile Marc Dutroux.

19/ What is green and smelly? A dead scout deep in the woods.

20/My grief counselor has just passed away. He was so effective that his death doesn’t affect me at all.

21/ What is the reason why we never see a myopath driving a car? Because he never reaches the age required to have the permit.

22/ As I get older, I remember all the people I had to lose along the way. My job as a tourist guide was ultimately not a good choice.

23/ What is the official vegetable of Germany called? Michael Schumacher.

24/ What is the reason why children in China will never believe in Santa Claus? Well, they are the ones who produce the toys.

25/What has 5 arms, 2 feet and 3 legs at the same time? The finish line of the Boston Marathon.

26/ While digging in the garden, a man discovers a chest of gold coins. Wanting to run to tell the good news to his wife at home, he remembers why he was digging in the garden.

27/ What is the worst combination of diseases that exist? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea, because you run without knowing where you are.

28/Do you know the expression “the garbage of some constitutes the treasures of others”? Well, this beautiful saying is the worst way to find out you’ve been adopted.

29/How can a child in Chernobyl count to 30? Using his fingers.

30/My husband left a note that said “it doesn’t work” on the fridge. I’m not sure I understand what he’s talking about, because the refrigerator works fine.

31/A little Jew plays with sand in a concentration camp. One of the soldiers comes up to him and asks:

• Kid, do you play with your parents?

32/ A man declares: it is very important to have a good base in vocabulary. If I had known the difference between anecdote and antidote, one of my best friends would surely still be alive.

33/ It’s a conversation between two childhood friends who meet after quarantine. The first asks his girlfriend:

• Did you have children?

With tears in her eyes, she answered

• Yes, but he left me one day.
• I can understand your sadness. You miss him a lot, I guess?
• every time I think of him, I often cry.
• How do you go about not being sad anymore?
• It’s simple, I remember the scene of my abortion!

34/ A priest asks a killer condemned to the electric chair:

• Do you have one last wish?
• Yes, can you hold my hand?

35/ A father asks his son:

• Can you guess what your sister said when she lost her virginity?
• Oh no daddy…
• It’s exactly that !

36/A child asks his mother:

• Why are you putting the thermometer back in my mouth? You just took my temperature from my behind!
• I know honey, but this time it’s only to get the thermometer clean.

37/ A man shoots his doctor after he tells him he only has one year left to live. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison: problem solved.

38/What are the cakes that Brigitte Macron prefers the most? The little school children.

39/ The best way to show someone you don’t like them is to hand them the camera every time you have to take a group photo.

40/When I told my wife that I had the body of an 18 year old young man, she had a good laugh. On the other hand, she stopped when she discovered it in small pieces in the freezer.

41/ There are a lot of jokes about the unemployed, unfortunately none of them work.

42/ In a hospital room, a man tells his nurse:

• You’re my favourite, could you come visit me when I’m out of the hospital?
• I would love to, but I really hate cemeteries.

43/ No one is completely useless, one day or another you will be used to illustrate a bad example.

44/ During a trial, the judge asks the accused: did you feel anything while you were cutting up your wife just before cooking her?

• Of course yes at one point I cried.
• Ah anyway ! When ?
• While I was chopping the onions.

45/ Generally, “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” are two sentences that have the same meaning, except during a funeral.

46/ Before starting their football game, some children ring the doorbell of a lady. She answers them:

• What do you want ?
• We would like your son Titouan to come and play with us, if he agrees.
• But, are you aware that Titouan has neither arms nor legs?
• Yes, but we need a ball.

47/What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a corpse? You won’t find a Lamborghini in my garage.

48/During the lesson, a teacher asks the students:

• Who can tell me the best materials that can be used to make fire?

A Jewish learner knowing the answer raises his little finger in hopes of being asked:

• I know the answer, lady! Me, lady! Me !
• Very good answer, who can cite others?

49/ Until now, I can’t forget my grandfather’s last words: are you still holding the ladder?

50/In a McDonald’s, a priest to place his order speaks to a waiter:

• Hello, I would like a children’s menu please.
• A portion of fries and coke?
• No, the child is enough, thank you.

51/ Avoid breaking a man’s heart, because she only has one. On the other hand, it would be wiser to break his bones, he has 206.

52/What do a necrophiliac and a man who likes to bathe in Brittany have in common? The two often say, “She’s cold, but once inside, she’s good.”

53/ A man discusses with his friend:

• You know, my ex just resurfaced after ten years.
• Oh good ? You were able to have a conversation.
• No, see! It was the bonds holding his ankles to the concrete block that gave way.

54/Last time, my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, but I passed her a glue stick. She still won’t talk to me.

55/What does a Jew have in common with his shoes? There are more in 39 than in 45.

56/What is the best way to get to the hospital? It’s very simple, just lay down in the middle of a busy road.

57/ A woman is back home totally distraught:

• Honey, our driver tried to run me over with the car! He tried to kill me! He must be sent back immediately!
• But, no, at least give him a second chance.

58/A woman without arms received a gift on Christmas Day. What is it about ? No idea, she hasn’t opened it yet.

59/ A young boy said to his grandmother:

• Granny? It smells bad around here, don’t you think? The smell is similar to that of a corpse? Granny? Can you hear me grandma?

60/ It’s a man and a woman who see each other for the first time after having discussed on Tinder. The young man says:

• I work with animals.

The woman responds:

• It’s too beautiful, I greatly appreciate men who love animals. Where do you work ?
• I’m a butcher, the man replies.

61/ During his trip in an elevator, a Jew finds himself with a man who suddenly lets out a big fart. Taken aback, the Jew looks at his companion with a shocked look. He then replies:

• Come on, it’s just gas, it’s never killed anyone.

62/ A man declares: this is the worst day of my life. Not only did my ex get hit by a school bus, but I also lost my job as a bus driver.

63/ They say the best way to reach a man’s heart is through his stomach. But, I find it’s faster to go through his rib cage.

64/What is the reason why the followers of ecology love lepers? Because they are biodegradable.

65/What do friends and snow have in common? when you piss on them, they disappear.

66/Where can you find a child who can do 3000 push-ups in just 16 hours? In a shoe factory in China.

67/Why do people like you when you donate a kidney? So when you give five, they call the police?

68/ A constantly worried little boy asks his parents:

• Am I adopted?
• No not right now. The announcement was only published yesterday.

69/How can you call a dog that has no paws? No matter what method you use to call it, it won’t come.

70/It’s a discussion between two men in a cafe:

• I read in the news item in the newspaper that a man murdered his wife the day after her wedding night.
• Often, the night brings advice.

71/ What is both white and falls in the coldest winters? The little old people.

72/What is the role of the autopsy? She helps others to discover what we have never been able to see inside ourselves.

73/ At each wedding, my parents liked to tease me by saying things like “We hope you will be the next one”. But since I started doing the same at funerals, they stopped.

74/In a house, an ugly woman is a treasure: she avoids many worries.

75/60th birthday is one of the best. You can finally live without fear of being bothered by life insurance agents.

76/ There is no better disaster than a party organized by a poor man.

77/The cemetery is such a crowded place that people are dying to enter.

78/Often looking at certain people, we realize that a condom could have avoided a lot of situations.

79/ Dark humor is like a dish of food. Not everyone can appreciate it.

80/Do you have any idea of ​​the origin of the expression badass? Well, it is from the Second World War. It was a technique to make rebellious Jews speak.

81/Cremation is the only way for some people to find a hot and sexy body.

82/What is the difference between a pizza and a prostitute? For the pizza, you have the option of choosing the mushrooms.

83/Why don’t skeletons celebrate Halloween? Because they no longer have any body to accompany them.

84/Mom, mum, can I taste the sweets that are in the cupboard?

• No problem, my angel you can take them.
• But, I have no arms.
• In this case, no candy.

85/Can you tell the difference between a training camp for terrorists and an orphanage? No, I’m just driving the drone.

86/ My fiancée wanted our wedding to be like a fairy tale, so I gave her a loaf of bread before leaving her in the forest.

87/Dad, I don’t like Grandma.

• It’s not complicated, put it aside on your plate.

88/Why do retired people enjoy mud baths so much? Because they train to love the taste of the earth.

89/ At the office, my boss wished me a good day. So, I packed my things and went home.

90/Dad, why is Grandma running zigzag in the yard?

• Shut up, I’m trying to aim well.

91/Why does the Star Wars saga not include an Arab character? The story takes place in the future.

92/I found a job in a library, unfortunately it only lasted about fifteen minutes. It would seem that women’s rights books shouldn’t be categorized as science fiction or fantasy.

93/What differentiates a rapist and a seducer? Patience.

94/The man who stole my diary just died. All my thoughts go out to his family.

95/Do you know what is the common point between black and cream? They are best whipped.

96/My favorite Disney animated film remains The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I love heroes with twisted stories.

97/What is the difference between an Arab and AND the extraterrestrial? The last understood that it was necessary to return to the house.

98/I started crying just as my dad cut the onion. He was such a good dog.

99/ Mom, mom! At school, all my classmates tell me that I have long teeth.

• It’s not true. Straighten your head, you’ll scratch the floor.

100/I just received the test results from my doctor, what a disappointment! I will not be a doctor.

101/What does a bird say when it flies over an Auschwitz concentration camp? Cooked, cooked, cooked.

102/ Generally, it is said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, that saying wouldn’t be true if the meal was poisoned. The antidote would be much more important.

103/ A zoophile, an arsonist, a masochist, a serial killer, a necrophiliac and a sadist discuss on a bench in a park. Zoophile says:

• Let’s catch a cat.

To the sadist to answer:

• Let’s catch a cat and torture it.

The serial killer replies:

• Let’s catch a cat, torture it before we kill it.

The necrophiliac exclaims:

• Let’s catch a cat, torture it, kill it before having sex with it.

The arsonist adds:

• Let’s catch a cat, torture it, kill it, fuck it before we burn it.

masochist says:

104/ A director asks a pupil what his name is, this one answers: “Ddd-dav-dav-david”, sir. The principal asks him if he has a stutter. He declares “No sir, my father stutters, but the guy who recorded my name is a real jerk.

105/How do you know when a woman is about to make an intelligent reflection? She always begins her sentence with “My husband explained to me that”.

106/Every time I see lovers’ names engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute, but rather weird. How can people walk out of their homes with a knife on a date?

107/ A man worries when he sees his girlfriend doing her business. He asked him :

• Where are you going ?
• I’m leaving you.
• You can tell me why you want us to break up.
• Because you are a pedophile.
• How is it possible that you know such a word at eight years old?

108/Often, even useless people can make you smile. For example, when you push them down the stairs.

109/ When falling asleep, a child asks his mother:

• Mom, why do we live in Hiroshima?
• Close your 3 eyes and fall asleep.

110/ I visited my friend in his new house, he asked me to make myself at home. Well, I put him outside, I don’t like having visitors.

111/ At the time of his conviction, the judge asks a man accused of having murdered his parents:

• What do you want to say to yourself in your defence?

He answers :

• You’re not going to put a poor orphan in prison anyway?

112/I have a fish that can breakdance! But, only for 20 seconds and just once.

113/ During a discussion, Prince Charles said to Queen Elizabeth:

• Mom, Diana is a little too talkative.
• A little patience my son, it will end up crashing soon.

114/ What is the best proof of courage? Let a cannibal give you a blowjob.

115/An apple a day can keep a doctor away. At least when you know how to throw hard.

116/When should a leper give up a game of poker? When he loses his hand.

117/I could make a joke about the trickle down theory of economics. But, only 1% of people would understand it.

118/Mom, mom! Why does dad look so pale?

• Shut up, keep digging.

119/How to make a woman scream twice in a row? Fuck her and wipe herself using the curtains.

120/I decided to go and see my childhood home again. To my surprise the owners refused and even slammed the door in my face when I asked to enter. Obviously, my parents are the worst.

121/ We have finally discovered how to operate on a patient without resorting to anesthesia. The surgeon now wears earplugs.

122/What goes through the head of a fly in last position when it hits the windshield of a car traveling at 70 km/h? His buttocks.

123/It is often said that the best are those who leave first, so what should we think of premature ejaculators. (Pierre Desproges)

124/Do you know why hospitals have air conditioning systems? So that the vegetables always stay fresh.

125/Find the odd one out in this list of words: chemotherapy, metastasis, Schwartzenberg and future. (Pierre Desproges)

126/ Always say no to drugs. If I was talking about my medication, I would surely have already said yes.

127/Since the beginning of the pandemic, my husband has only looked at me with eyes full of sadness. I think I should let him into the house.

128/Halloween is a form of home delivery for pedophiles. (Baffie)

129/ The most shocking moment of my life was the day I discovered that my toaster wasn’t waterproof.

130/ The increase in the price of oil is a phenomenon that greatly worries people with motor disabilities. (Colouche)

131/During a date at the restaurant with my wife, the waitress started hitting on me. My wife then said:

• “she must have COVID”.
• Why ? I asked.
• Because it has no taste.

132/ When you give a plane ticket to a man, he flies for hours. On the other hand, when you push it to 3000 meters altitude, it will fly for the rest of its life.

133/ It is very relaxing to be deaf. Your entourage only tells you the essentials. (Sacha Guitry)

134/During my trip to Russia, I had the opportunity to follow a comedian who made fun of Putin. Even though his jokes weren’t that funny, I still enjoyed his execution.

135/ For 60 years now, my wife has always told me “Let’s go upstairs to make love”. I always answer him with a sigh “Make a choice, I can’t do both at the same time”.

136/ A doctor walks into the room of one of his dying patients and says, you only have ten left. Distraught, does the patient ask me ten what left, doctor? Months ? Weeks ? Hours ? days? The doctor looks at him calmly and says “Nine”.

137/Do you like your mother? Take a bit then. (Pierre Doris)

138/ I was not close to my father at the time of his death. Very lucky, because he died stepping on a mine.

139/ My grandfather often tells me that I depend too much on technology accessories. After calling him a hypocrite, I disconnected his artificial respirator.

140/Who sank the Titanic? Iceberg, another Jew. (Serge Gainsbourg)

141/ Two friends are in the woods to hunt, when suddenly one of them collapses. Panicked, his friend called the emergency room, shouting on the phone:

• My friend is not breathing, what can I do?
• Relax, I’ll help you, the operator told him. You have to make sure he’s not dead first.

It’s total silence, until a shot rings out. The man continues:

• What should I do now?

142/Blindness is a point of view. (Michel Laclos)

143/My son, an astronomy enthusiast, asked me one day how the stars died. I replied that usually it was by overdose.

144/Better to be a cuckold than a widower: you will have fewer formalities to complete. (Alphonse Allais)

145/To cheer up my girlfriend who had just lost her dog, I gave her an identical animal. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me asking what she was supposed to do with two dead dogs.

146/ When my father finishes beating me, he is often hot. So, so that he doesn’t catch cold, I drag myself to the window to close it. (Jules Valles)

147/What is both yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.

148/ It is the fear of falling that makes hanged prisoners wince. (Pierre Dumayet)

149/ What differentiates me from cancer? My dad couldn’t beat cancer.

150/The advantage of the cul-de-jatte is that I won’t start with my feet first. (Robert Lasus)

151/She fell. He dove. They disappeared. (Felix Feneon)

152/ A patient asks his doctor:

• Where are you taking me?
• At the morgue the doctor answers.
• What ? Retorts the panicked patient. But, I’m not dead yet!
• We haven’t arrived yet, replies the doctor.

153/ Following a tragic ball at Colombey-les-deux-Eglises, one death was recorded. (The Hara-Kiri Magazine)

154/ A young man said to his father:

• I have an imaginary girlfriend.
• You know, you can do better, sighs the father.
• Thank you dad.
• Father shakes his head and says, I was talking to your girlfriend.

155/ There is only one irregular word in the Molière language. They say a heart attack, a funeral. (Francis Blanche)

156/Do you know what my grandfather said to me before passing the soul to the left? “Look how far I can push this bucket.”

157/ You should never give a slap to a deaf person, because he only feels half the pleasure. He feels the slap, but does not hear it. (Courteline Gorge)

158/What differentiates a magician who awakens the undead and a vampire? One practices necromancy and the other neck romance.

159/I enjoy my weekends in the park playing chess with the elderly. But, it’s a bit complicated to find thirty-two old gentlemen.

160/Post-conflict was designed not only to bury the missing, but also to find some nice sentences. (Francis Blanche)

161/ What could be worse than finding a worm in an apple? Bite into the apple and see a half-eaten worm.

162/ In a hospital room, a doctor declares to his patient:

• I have good and bad news for you.
• Tell me the good news first, declare him sick.
• Your exam results are in and you have only two days left to live.
• If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad? exclaims the patient.
• I’ve been trying to call you for two days, I hate double standards.

163/ The fir tree used to design coffins is always a green tree. (Xavier Forneret)

164/ A man walks alone with a little boy in the forest. Suddenly, the child turns to him and says:

• Sir, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.
• And me, how do you think I feel, I have to walk home alone. The man answers him.

165/ In order to live happy and always equal to herself, a beautiful woman must die young. Conversely, an honest woman must perish in old age. (Joseph Joubert)

166/When does a joke become a dad joke? When she leaves and never comes back.

167/I would really like to have children one day. But, I don’t think I’ll put up with them any longer than that.

168/I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.

169/ The most corrupt business owners work in the pretzel manufacturing industry. They are so twisted.

170/When we were younger, the dark frightened us. But, now that we’ve grown up, the electricity bill makes us fear the light.

171/During a game of chess, my friend said “Let’s make the game more interesting”. Well, we stopped playing.

172/ During a medical intervention, the patient confides in the doctor “I’m so nervous, it’s my first operation”. Don’t worry, says the surgeon, that’s the case for me too.

173/Do you know why Mozart didn’t like his chickens? Because they kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach” when he asked who the best composer was.

174/ My companion is furious because I have no sense of direction. So, I packed up my things and headed for the door.

175/ A young woman says to her boyfriend “I see someone now”. This is either very good news or terrible news.

176/Which letter do pirates prefer the most in the alphabet? Any. According to history, the vast majority of pirates are illiterate.

177/ A woman discusses with her husband. She states:

• I want to have another baby.
• What a relief her husband replies, I don’t like that one very much either.

178/I threw a boomerang a few years back. I now live in constant fear.

179/ My employer told me “You are the worst train driver there is. How many trains have you derailed this year? I told him that I wasn’t sure, because it’s hard to keep track.

180/After a long discussion, my wife and I had hardly decided not to have children. If you want some, just send your address, we can drop them off tomorrow.

181/ I was raised as an only child, and that really pissed off my sister.

182/What is red and bad for the teeth? A brick.

183/Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because of their funny taste.

184/While I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, a relative asked me which one was mine. I replied that I had not yet made my choice. The people in the park looked so horrified.

185/ The studies that suggest people eat more bananas than monkeys are indeed correct. I totally agree, because I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed eating a monkey.

186/ A man asks his voice assistant why he is still single. Siri tells him to activate his central camera.

187/ What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say before crashing into the earth? T-Rex, I’m coming for my hug.

188/What is the reason the postman died? Because everyone dies.

189/What makes a hockey player and a hipster different? The hockey player takes showers.

190/What is a cheap circumcision called? A scam.

191/I hope death is a woman, so I’ll have the chance that she never looks at me more than once.

192/I remember that day in 1980 when I fell off my bike, twisted my ankle and hurt my knee. Why am I saying this now? Well, social media wasn’t back then.

193/ An old man falls into a well. Why ? Because he couldn’t see well.

194/What to do when attacked by a group of clowns? You have to opt for the juggler.

195/ The other day I was reading a book about an immortal dog. It was impossible to put down.

196/ It is said that a group of friends often includes a member capable of killing his comrades. Well, I figured it was David, so I deleted him before he could hurt me.

197/What makes a dinosaur different from a lump of coal? Sixty million years.

198/While shopping at the grocery store, a woman sees a man tripping. He turns to her and says “my apologies, it’s been a while since I’ve had a new body.”

199/Do you know the dark matter joke? It seems that it will swallow us all one day.

200/What does the crocodile say to a leather chair? Hi Mom.

Adult and Sexy jokes

A man badly damaged his dick in an accident
Longnsfw
The surgeon says “we’ve developed a new technique that can rebuild your penis, using a section of an elephant’s trunk”; so the guy decides to go ahead.

The operation is a great success. A couple of weeks later, he’s having dinner at a restaurant with his wife. Suddenly his dick bursts out of his pants, steals a bread roll and disappears with it under the table.

His wife is absolutely astonished. “Do it again”, she says.

“I would give it another go”, he replies, “but I don’t think my ass has room for another roll!”